Growing up...

After being stuck in a complicated relationship with my one and only love - pretty girl, i really feel like I kinda like Titanic crashing onto the big ice berg...She really caught all my attention..I can't stop staring at her when we were having dinner, or when she is drunk in my car, or when we having lunch togher, or when we were watching series in our hall. She is sooooooo attractive that I don't realise until i feel like i going to lost her. Like the old 1 said, you will never appreciate until you lose it. >.<><

Being depress, jealous, and sad for what had been done, I realise all these will only make her to leave me even faster. Thus, I decided to improve myself rather then forcing her to make decision. At least this will benefits me in future even she decided to leave me.

I began to grow up after Pelly told me about what a gals actually needs. I realise how dumb I am, how childish i am, how useless I am. I started to look at myself, how can you blame her to leave you when you dun even know how to take care of yourself. I was loving her too much! Even more than I love myself! I just realise this. Everytime when shopping, I just shop for her, I will choose a pretty dress to buy for her rather than taking time to choose for myself. Everything i did, i did it for her. I am too dependant on her or i should say my life is full of her.

I started to grow, from the way i dress, the way i speak to her or even other gal and my customer, I realise, slowly, I feel more confident in myself. I realise the way I speak in that way really can make a gal got interested inyou. I tried this for the first time with a gal i knew when queing up to buy my lunch. I tease her and she look very happily and even say bye after bought the food before left. Then i realise, if I was my ex-me, I will not tease a gal like that. I would think she may feel i am a playboy or something and go. From here, I understand why pretty girl will feel bored with our relationship. A gal want thier bf to be like KL people, who will tease them and make them happy. But they want their husband to be like Kampung people, who will love them 100% . I realise, I really need to improve myself.

Remember the first day i started to tease pretty girl, I started to take her as a fren and began to chase her like v were nv been together be4. I admit i am not that good in teasing still compare to laurence, that why until today she still so into that guy. Even I can hear from their conversation, pretty girl is happy compare if chatting with me. Sometime I really feel like giving up, stop wasting time to chase her back and go chase for other gals. Especially today when we were having dinner in BBQ plaza (one of our favourite restaurant) when she were talking with that guy. I was like ...dunno how to do and just can sit there listen to what they said, listen to how my pretty girl being tease by him, listen to how she happily respond to that guy...I really feel my effort of 90% is like his 9% effort. I really dun get it, I tot a gals want a guy who really care them. But I really cant see much of this guy care about my pretty girl, he was like when free or when feel like boring only find her. Maybe when he wrote " I have bored playing with you" is what is really in his mind. But what can I do, Love cant be force, as my dad said, just let it be, concentrate on your future.

When we were on the way back from One Utama after dinner in BBQ plaza, in the car, she mentioned she feel I slowly from Kampong ppl moving to neutral. When i asked the reason, she said I still too fat and because of size, I still cant win her heart from laurence. Also, she feel that wat I had change is like fake change...like i purposely do that change. I was like =.=" can pretend to change de meh? I understand my change is too fast. Actually not i change very fast, it's just that I just show who i actually am. The biggest changed in me is i became more DARING, BRAVE, CONFIDENT. With these changes, i dare to speak wat i not dare to speak, dare to do what i not dare to do. I understand she needs time to feel my changes, and again, as the song, I will wait for you. I will show you how much i change, how I slowly become more mature.

Baby....please give me a second chance, I will promise this time I will make our Love right. This is what i always hope to say to you but I neve say. I dun want to force you. I can only indirectly play the song to you when you in my car.

Baby...I will wait for you. It is the last thing i can do. Don't say I ran out of time, If it take the rest of my life, I will still waiting you.

My Love - Pretty Girl ^^

14/07/09

Since 08/03/03.. We had gone thru our live lying on each other until today...we had past so many memorable moment...happiness..of course sadness as well...our pet, fei mui...the soft dog i gift her....we end our relationship on today.

After forcing her to make decision not to leave me...finally i realise...I am wrong...I will only make her feel more FAN GAN to me...I am stupid...I am selfish...I should not do this... ><

After I calmed down...I realise... Everything is faith...God planned everything for me in my life...to see how important she is in my life...

Now I could say I lost her in my life 99%. The only 1% is present due to I begging for her to care about me when I am lost or scare or not able to sleep.

I cant imagine after 6 years and 4 months we being attached together, our ending is this.

I know her very well..i think much more than she know herself... I am a Yellow characteristic person, who like peace, who care ppl thinking and will not say any words that may hurt ppl feeling. Thus, I tried to thik of her in as me, I found out that, I will also do the same thing. If a girl pretty and nice, said she love me, I may also left her and go for the girl. So, actually no one should be blamed, No one should feel sorry. Pretty girl is a Blue characteristic person, who like party, gathering, event, friends, enjoy life. Thus pass few years staying in KL with me is not the ideal lifestyle she actually want. But I never thought of her side before until today. It is too late. I feel regret.

Thanks god for choosing this kind of ending for me...I really do...If let me choose, I will still choose to be the one who suffer. If I am the one who say break up to her, she may face a lot of problem, she may not able to live in KL anymore. Thus, I will never blame her. I will never blame her. I will never blame her. I will only appreciate god for giving both of us some time to think and try out the outside worlds. There are so much thing we never know and never experience. For example, we never go clubbing before, we never have a second chance to have another gf/bf to compare. Thus maybe this is just a 考验..if we can pass this test, the next time we attach together again, I believe within a few months we will get married. =) Some time, when you have the thing on your hand, you cant see it, cause it is too near / close to you. You can only see thing far from you, and you envy and hope you can get it. I am just like this, I am just an old toys that you holding, and in front of you, there is a new and prettier toys. You grab it, and throw the old toy into the garage. But you may not know, the old toy may be wearing a diamond ring on it and you just throw a diamond ring into the garage. But if one day, you found out that the old toy with diamond ring is better than the new one, the old toy full with dust will still wait for you to come back and clean him up.

So, Henry Teh Kor Shean, let go ba.... let her go treasure her life...treasure the moment... dun be so selfish...you are not the best bf in the world...she will find a better and more suitable one for her... and as for you, she is also not the only one who can be your wife...there is much more outside! You just need to explore them, like dota game, you never explore the land, you wont find the RUNE!

Believe in faith -

For pretty girl, the song below is exactly what i am thinking...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD1TKBQvIxM

Elliott Yamin - Wait for you

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you & I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone, Girl you could have stayed but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?
So why does your pride make you run and hide?Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be
So baby I will wait for you, Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time, If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you, If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life, No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,Everything stays the same, I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time, If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you, If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life, No matter what i have to do
I'll wait for you
So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be
Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you , If it's the last thing i do
Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time, If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you. If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life. No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you
I'll Be Waiting.